Maybe Baby
by TheUSofCalzona
Summary: Callie and Arizona talk babies, fears and...handcuffs? Season 6 Story


A/N - Had this on my LJ and wanted to bring it over!

Cowritten with walking_weapon

* * *

Callie looks at Arizona expectantly, praying that she'll say something, anything, to start this conversation. Finally the silence becomes too much to take and she decides to just bite the bullet.

"Can you at least tell me why?" She asks, knowing Arizona will know what she means.

Arizona shifts on the bed, her towel exposing more of her legs than should be visible for this conversation.

"Should I change first?" She asks, trying to buy just a few more moments. Just a little more time before they try and talk about something that she knows could very well spell their end.

Callie blinks a few times to regain some focus at the sudden and enticing appearance of her girlfriend's thighs. Clothes…She wants to say no, like _really_ wants to say no, but she knows they need to have this conversation now.

"Um...ya, that might be a good idea." Callie chokes out. She knows Arizona is stalling, she's been doing it all week and she's really good at it, but she also knows there's no way she can have a serious conversation while Arizona is sitting mere feet from her wearing only a towel.

Arizona grabs one of Callie's old college shirts and a pair of panties and changes, trying not to shake as she does. She's never had this talk with one of her girlfriends before, either she found a way around it or they weren't together long enough to have it. So to say she's scared right now would be an understatement. When she turns she gives Callie a very small smile, trying to tell her that things are still ok, at least for the moment.

Callie can tell Arizona is nervous from how forced and controlled her movements were as she got dressed. She isn't sure if that's a good sign, as it means that Arizona is invested in them enough to not want this to go badly, or if she's just nervous for Callie's reaction to her ending things. At Arizona's tentative smile Callie pushes all her fears aside and smiles back. It's shaky, and she can see the fear swirling in her girlfriend's eyes, but it's something, and at this point she's willing to take anything she can get.

"I like kids." Arizona starts, her voice soft. She reaches out and takes Callie's hand, needing some sort of contact with her if she's going to find the strength to get through this. Callie sighs as Arizona takes her hand, amazed as always at how calming her touch is.

"But I like being the cool aunt, I like giving them candy to spoil their dinner, I like taking them to the park and playing with them." Arizona continues as thoughts of her cousins back home and how she was always a great babysitter fill her head. "I love kids, but I've never wanted kids of my own." She finishes sadly, knowing what her words are going to do to the woman next to her.

"I know you love kids, and you're amazing with them. I just don't get how you've never thought of having your own. I may have been a little slow to figure a lot of things out in my life but wanting kids...that I've known for as long as I can remember." Callie declares, as she looks over at her girlfriend, desperately searching for an explanation.

Arizona smiles softly at Callie's comment, or rather the latter half of it. She can't even begin to explain how grateful she is that Callie figured certain things out, no matter how late in life it was. Taking a deep breath as their fingers interlaced with the others she tries to find the words to make Callie understand.

"I see kids come in every day and they lie down on my table and let me take their lives in my hands. I am the best in the world at what I do Callie." She sighs, knowing the next part sounds foolish and a little smug. "If we have a child and something happened, I don't know if I could stand back and watch the second best take my child's life in their hands." She whispers brokenly.

Callie stares in shock. She knew Arizona was afraid, but she thought it was some irrational fear about not being a good mother, or something related to a specific patient. She thought it was a fear she knew how to calm. This...this she has no idea how to calm. Yet as she stares into Arizona's eyes she knows she has to try.

"What if it was me? What if something happened to me and I was on the table? You wouldn't be able to do anything then either." She points out softly, cringing at the mere thought of ever putting her lover in a position like that.

Arizona shudders at the thought of Callie being in the OR and not being the one holding the scalpel. She can't imagine how she'd cope with something like that, with the helplessness she knows she'd feel.

"You're not a kid." Arizona says weakly. She shifts on the bed so she's lying on her side, delighted when Callie moves with her and lays down facing her, their clasped hands resting between them.

"I have control issues. I don't like to give up control to anyone. Giving up control to a tiny human scares me Calliope." Arizona admits.

"Really? I thought I was a newborn?" Callie asks with a chuckle in a lame attempt to lighten the mood. "You're a surgeon, of course you have control issues. You think I don't?" She asks quietly.

"Our cases aren't the same level." Arizona says, cringing even as the words leave her mouth. "Callie I didn't mean that." She says quickly, mentally kicking herself. She knows how good Callie is at her job, how she can build limbs and cartilage like god, and she hates that she just spoke without thinking.

Callie stiffens despite Arizona's apology. She knows most people think Ortho is a soft specialty, but she thought Arizona was different, she thought she respected her more than that.

"I hope not." Callie says bitterly, as she rolls onto her back.

Arizona closes her eyes, shifting over to put her face against Callie's neck. She can feel how tense her comment made Callie and she knows her words hurt her.

"I am scared of losing control over my life. When I lost my brother, when I lost my aunt to breast cancer, every time I lose a kid…it's scary and it hurts Calliope. After my brother…I got mean and pushed everyone away. I turned into this bitter angry person that I didn't even recognize. I don't want to hurt you by doing that if we lose our child." Arizona explains, revealing her deepest fears to someone for the first time.

Callie sighs, contemplating the many ways she can respond. Turning back onto her side so she's facing Arizona again she lets her arm drape lazily over Arizona's hip.

"You're thinking of the worst case scenario. If, and it's a big if considering Bailey and Karev and everyone else would fight like hell to make sure it didn't happen, but if we lost our child, I wouldn't let you push me away. You didn't let me push you away through all the crap with my dad or the merger, why would I ever let you do it no matter what was going on? I never want to lose you, there is no way I would ever willingly let you go." Callie says, in an attempt to soothe her girlfriend's fears and make her see how irrational they are. Hoping Arizona will realize just how deep her feelings for the blonde spitfire run and how utterly impossible it would be for her to ever walk away.

"Do you know I have nightmares? About tiny coffins?" Arizona whispers softly. She knows if she has a child that the face of that child will replace the faces in those coffins, the faces of the kids she couldn't save.

"I know I've never told you about them, but I didn't know if Alex said anything about it." Arizona adds after a few minutes of silence. She plays nervously with her girlfriend's fingers, gently caressing each finger, as she awaits a response. Her nightmares were another thing she had never discussed with a girlfriend before.

"Um...actually I do know about them, not because of Alex though." Callie responds as she looks away from Arizona's piercing gaze. "You had one the first night you slept over, after Alex and Izzie's wedding." She blushes at the memory of what else happened that night.

"You were thrashing around and it woke me up, I remember being confused at first because I sleep like the dead and usually nothing can wake me up except a page. It makes sense now though." Callie says with a tender smile. It doesn't surprise her that she woke up anymore, not after months of sharing a bed with Arizona. No matter how tired she is she always wakes up when Arizona gets paged.

"Anyway, I pulled you into my arms and I was going to wake you up, but as soon as I held you, you started to calm down. I stayed up half the night just holding you." She finishes softly, still not looking at Arizona, too scared to see her reaction.

Arizona snuggles closer to Callie, needing to find comfort in the woman she loves. She's amazed that Callie knew about her nightmares all along and didn't run or try to ask her about them. The few people she's told in the past had always wanted details or thought she should go see a therapist; they always had an opinion of judgment to make. It was overwhelming that Callie, without being told, without needing to ask, had just understood and stepped up to be there for her.

"What if we make a deal. About babies." Arizona whispers, her hand rubbing circles on Callie's lower back.

"What kind of deal?" Callie asks as she wraps Arizona tightly in her arms. She's not sure what kind of compromise you can come to about having babies, you either have them or you don't, which is why she was so terrified to have this conversation, but for Arizona she's willing to try anything.

"What if for now, we say maybe." Arizona says, as she pulls her face back so she can look at Callie.

"Let's be together longer than a year and a bit before we make this decision. I promise to keep an open mind, and to try and get to a place where I don't vomit when I think about the idea of having children." Arizona proposes. She knows that it isn't a fix for this, but she hopes with time she might be able to let herself be less scared of having kids.

"Baby...Of course we can do that. I meant it when I said I wanted a baby someday, emphasis on the someday. There is no way I'm ready yet either." She agrees with a soft laugh as she fights back tears and smiles at Arizona. She knows it's not a complete fix, but they aren't breaking up, and Arizona just mentioned the future so she'd take it. They had time, as long as they were together they had time.

"I love you Calliope." Arizona whispers softly. "And if I was broken I would want you to be in the OR to fix me. You build limbs like God." She adds, hoping to make up for her big mouth earlier.

Callie chuckles before her face becomes serious once more.

"I love you too Ari. So much it hurts sometimes." She pauses, reaching up to tuck a stray curl behind Arizona's ear. "I hope you're never broken though, because I may build limbs like God, but I can only do that because you're by my side." She whispers.

Arizona blushes as she kisses Callie deeply, her tongue strong against the Latina's. She pushes Callie onto her back and moves on top of her before she even knows what she's doing. As her actions register she freezes and pulls back sheepishly.

"Sorry, I guess I went a little overboard." Arizona blushes, though she doesn't move off of Callie.

"That is something you never have to apologize for." Callie smirks up at her. "So...we're ok?" She asks tentatively, still a little insecure about the whole mess them talking about babies had become.

"Do you love me, do you want to be with me, will you put up with my craziness?" Arizona whispers softly, stroking Callie's shoulder. "Because if you have three yeses, then I do too, and I think that makes us ok."

"I think that makes us more than ok." Callie replies softly before pulling Arizona down into a passionate kiss. Arizona kisses her back, her hands moving into the Latina's raven hair.

"I love the way you kiss me." Arizona groans as Callie shifts a leg up between hers. "And how you do that." She pants.

"Good. Because I plan on doing it for a long time." Callie sighs as she thrusts her thigh up. Arizona whimpers softly as her head falls back. She rocks against Callie's leg a little before stopping herself; she doesn't want to get off this way.

"Why are we still dressed?" She asks throatily as her heart nearly beats out of her chest.

"I have no idea." Callie groans out. She'd never admit it, but having Arizona on top of her like this was always enough to push her to the edge almost immediately.

Arizona rolls off Callie and onto her back, before pushing and pulling her clothes off. Tossing them on the floor she stretches a little, giving Callie a great view of her body.

"I work out." She giggles, as her girlfriend stares at her lustily.

"Don't I know it." Callie groans, as she hastily rips off her clothes. Once she's naked she wastes no time falling back down beside Arizona and kissing her hungrily.

"You are such a top." Arizona giggles as she kisses Callie back. "Well a switch really." She teases. She loves getting Callie wound up; it makes watching her crash back to earth as she orgasms so much better.

"Well it's fun either way." Callie quips. "But, you can top me any day." She adds, knowing exactly how to get to Arizona.  
Arizona shifts so she does just that, quickly straddling Callie.

"Now if only I had a set of handcuffs, my night would be made." Arizona teases, as her hands move up and down her lover's arms, causing goose bumps to break out.

"Mmmm...Bottom left drawer." Callie mumbles as she cranes her neck upwards to steal another kiss.

"You have handcuffs?" Arizona pulls back and gives Callie a slightly surprised look.

"Um...yes." Callie answers sheepishly. She'd been too caught up to really think about what she was saying.

"You and Yang play cops and robbers do you?" Arizona asks as she raises an eyebrow skeptically. She could think of only one past lover that Callie would have used handcuffs with, and it sure as hell wasn't Erica Hahn.

"Not exactly." Callie murmurs. She knew Arizona not asking anymore questions was probably too much to hope for, but that didn't stop her from trying to distract her by running her hands along her thighs.

"Please don't tell me you used them with who I think you used them with." Arizona whines with a pout. "Because I would need a shower if you still have sex toys from your days with the manwhore." Arizona mutters, all the while shivering under Callie's touch.

"Well showers are fun, but we can do that in the morning. As for sex toys and then man whore...no they aren't from...when I was er...with him." She stammers nervously.

"So you never used them with Mark?" Arizona asks, just to make sure. She moves her fingers teasingly up and down Callie's sides to make sure she knows she isn't mad.

"No. I didn't even have them when I was with Mark." Callie answers quickly, as she shivers under Arizona's gentle touch.

"Who did you use them with then?" Arizona questions as she moves her hands higher to her favorite part of Callie's body. She always had been a bit of a breast kind of girl.

"No one." Callie sighs breathily. Arizona had always been able to play her expertly and right now was no exception. She desperately wanted to stop this line of questioning but she was powerless to move let alone do anything else.

"They're new, never been used?" Arizona was now just doing this to watch Callie squirm under her. "Hahn didn't have a kinky side to her?"

"Ew no." Callie frowns. The idea of her and Erica and handcuffs just seems...wrong.

Arizona laughs at Callie's answer as she cups one of Callie's breasts and toys with it. She loves how the warm flesh molds to her hand, and how the nipple tightens impossibly more at the slightest touch.

"You have such a beautiful body." Arizona sighs, as she studies the contrast of her skin pale against Callie's.

Callie blushes even more than she already was. She was badass, she didn't blush, but then Arizona was an exception to pretty much every rule.

"Would you carry the kids or would you want a surrogate?" Arizona asks suddenly, moving her head down and kissing along Callie's jaw. She knows now may not be the best time to have this conversation, but she's feeling so relaxed that she can't keep the words for spilling forth.

"I bought the handcuffs last week for us." Callie says instead. If she'd learned anything today it was that baby talk meant drama and right now she really didn't want drama.

"What else did you buy? Because I have a few things at my place you might like." Arizona asks, wanting to know just want kinks her lovely, hot girlfriend had, and not at all surprised that Callie shifted the conversation.

"I didn't...Wait you have..." Callie closes her eyes tightly to try and gain some composure. Keeping her eyes closed she finally manages to form a complete sentence.

"I didn't buy anything else this time. I thought we could maybe go together next time. And as for what you have at your place...Well I'm sure if you're involved I'd like just about anything." Callie says with a smirk, she voice dripping with desire.

"You want me to go to a sex shop with you?" Arizona asks, smirking at how she much she affects Callie. She shifts a little so she's sitting on one of Callie's legs while one of her own legs presses right where Callie needs it.

"Sounds like fun." Arizona groans, rolling her hips and moving her leg against Callie.

"Yeah." Callie gasps out. Given the way Arizona was teasing her right now she wasn't sure if she'd survive a visit to a sex shop but...what a way to go.

"Would you like the Robbins method?" Arizona asks, knowing Callie nearly blacked out the last time she used it. No one could say that Arizona didn't know her anatomy.

Callie's only response is to moan as she remembers the last time Arizona ask her that question. Thank god they weren't in the shower this time.

Arizona kisses her way down Callie's body before shifting and putting both of Callie's legs over her shoulders.

"Try not to black out. I would hate to take you to work and have to tell Bailey why you passed out." She smirks, before going to work on Callie's body. She used every trick, tease and touch she knew to please her girlfriend.

Callie gasps as Arizona finally sets to work. She can feel herself quickly spiraling to that place only Arizona has ever managed to take her. Forcing her eyes open she looks down at Arizona and comes undone. Teetering on the edge of unconsciousness, she keeps herself conscious through will power alone.

Arizona's panting when she finally moves up and lay next to Callie. She can't help but look a little smug as she rests against her girlfriend.

"Did you enjoy yourself Calliope?" She asks innocently.

Callie opens her mouth to reply but all that comes out is a sated sigh. Lazily she turns her head and nuzzles her girlfriend's shoulder.

Arizona closes her eyes at the small gesture and sighs contentedly. This is what being in love feels like she thinks lazily. This feeling of complete contentment, a silence so easy you don't need words to communicate.

"I love you." Arizona whispers, interlacing their fingers and resting their joined hands on Callie's hip.

"I love you too." Callie murmurs, as she musters the energy to roll onto her side and drape herself around Arizona.

Arizona kisses Callie's shoulder softly, closing her eyes. For the first time in all her years of dating she felt like the woman in her arms could be the one. She strokes Callie's hair softly, thinking of a young girl with brown eyes and that same raven hair. One who has wheelie shoes and uses words like super and awesome. The image didn't seem half bad, or nearly as scary as it would have just hours ago.

Callie sighs contentedly as Arizona strokes her hair. It was soothing, and made her feel loved and safe, something she had at one point thought she'd never feel again. She can tell Arizona is deep in thought by the way her body isn't quite relaxed against hers.

"What are you thinking about?" Callie asks softly, more than a little nervous to hear the answer.

"I was thinking about what our daughter would be like." Arizona admits shyly as she blushes.

Callie lifts her head slowly and looks over at Arizona in awed surprise. "Really?" She breathes, not sure if she heard correctly.

"I was laying here with you and my mind just went there." Arizona says, seeing the hope in Callie's eyes warring with doubt. "Would you like to hear about her?" She adds in a soft murmur.

"Yes." Callie says instantly, as her face brakes out in a massive grin. She can't believe she wasn't hearing things, that Arizona is really lying here about to describe their child.

Arizona kisses Callie softly, reassuringly, before shifting so her arm won't fall asleep.

"Well she would look like you because I don't have the right parts to make her look like me and you." Arizona chuckles softly. "She would have your dark hair and chocolate eyes with the little gold flecks. She'd want a pair of my Heeleys, and I'd teach her how to do tricks. She'd love words and playing with them." Arizona describes all of this with a dreamy half smile on her face. She can't believe how relaxed she is right now, and it's not because of the sex, it's because of the woman lying beside her.

Callie's sure her smile can't get any bigger as she listens to Arizona describe their little girl. Just thinking about it, _their_little girl, makes her heart swell so much she swears it's going to burst.

"I'd bully Derek into letting me be the one to fix her arm when she falls and breaks it because of those silly shoes." Callie says with a quiet laugh and a playful glare. Secretly she thinks that the shoes are kind of hot, but she isn't about to let Arizona know that.

"And she'd say things like super and awesome, and believe in magic and fairy dust." She adds with a roll of her eyes.

"I'd make sure I was the one to take her tonsils out." Arizona says quickly. "If you get to fix her arm I get to do that." She loves seeing the look of love and excitement on Callie's face as they talk about this. That look is quickly added to the growing list of things that are making her fears seem less and less important.

"Will you hold me when I have a nightmare about her?" Arizona asks uncomfortably.

"You don't even have to ask." Callie replies tenderly, as she looked at Arizona with adoration. They were doing this, they were talking about this, and they were still ok.

"I don't think I could handle more than two. The kids outnumbering us might be too much for me to take." Arizona whispers, her fingertips stroking the back of Callie's neck.

"That sounds perfect. A boy and a girl." Callie replies simply as she tilts her head in response to Arizona's touch. "We can pay Addison a visit in a few years." She adds uncertainly, grateful when her remark is met with Arizona's perfect dimpled smile.

"And two dogs and chickens." Arizona adds with a giggle. "I love chickens."

"What is it with you and chickens?" Callie giggles back. When all she's met with is a blank stare she sighs. "Fine, and chickens." She acquiesces with a whine.


End file.
